thepleasuregoblin:

helianthus-hellion:

virgo-dicks:

Yeah my name is Tim, short for OpTIMus Prime

[id: tags saying “wait wait i wanna know where they plan on using their full name, why’d you cut it off”]

answer: THEIR WEDDING.

I can’t describe to you the emotion I would feel if I was hanging out with my friend Tim and he was like “hey we’ve been friends for a while now I want to show you something,” and he hands me his driver’s license, upon which I read “Optimus Prime Jones”

queerbit:

froody:

When I was a kid, my dad hated when I hung up anything on my walls. My art, band posters, movie posters, anything. Not with taxks, not with tape (it “ripped the paint off”) not with anything. At one point in 5th or 6th grade he came in my room and found me hanging up a Diary of a Wimpy Kid poster with tacos and he was like “EVERY HOLE YOU PUT IN THE WALL TAKES $10 OFF THE VALUE OF THE HOUSE.” so when I was mad at him, I’d insert tacks into the wall in places he couldn’t easily see just out of spite. Whoever owns the house now is probably wondering about it.

nat-20s:

I know it’s like cringe or whatever to care about media unironically but I actually do love when you love a story so much it becomes a part of your soul

gayfour:

the-haiku-bot:

thisiswhymomworries:

3tno:

thisiswhymomworries:

how many synonyms for “penis” do I actually know?

and how many of those synonyms am I actually willing to use

tier 1 (most accepted, considered sexy): cock, dick

tier 2 (generally accepted): length, manhood, member, shaft

tier 3 (clinical, too formal, but not cheesy): groin, penis, phallus

tier 4 (cheesy, barely acceptable): [insert name] Jr., dong, junk, knob, prick, rod, tool, wand, wood

tier 5 (ridiculous, unacceptable, pls don’t): anything to do with beer cans, baby-maker, bishop, choad, donger, dragon, fuck wand, fun stick, hog, johnson, jimmy, lap rocket, little [insert name], love muscle/rod/stick, meat stick, one-eyed [anything], piston, private eye, schlong, trouser snake, wiener, winkie

tier 6 (you’re literally a fourth grader): baby arm, baloney pony, beaver basher, beef whistle, custard launcher, dude piston, flesh flute, heat-seeking moisture missile, krull the warrior king, luigi, mayo shooting hotdog gun, meter long king kong dong, pig skin bus, piss weasle, purple-headed yogurt flinger, purple-helmeted warrior of love, schlong dongadoodle, single barreled pump action bollock, spawn hammer, steamin’ semen truck, tan banana, thundersword, wang doodle, whoopie stick, wing wang doodle, yogurt shotgun 

tier 3 (clinical,

too formal, but not cheesy):

groin, penis, phallus

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

shencomix:

identitty-dickruption:

begging everyone to stop desexualising disabled people. we fuck. we masturbate. we have long-term relationships and we have flings and we go through slut eras. we do sex work. we’re not innocent little babies who can never be sexual. stop desexualising us*

*this is not attacking asexual disabled people. they’re also cool and valid. this is about a pattern of desexualisation of ALL disabled people

txttletale:

txttletale:

you can learn so much. on the doctor who wiki

im so glad they cite their sources

praziluk:

radatav:

I had a nightmare that Doug Walker rebranded as the Nintendo Pervert and I had to review his new content on youtube or I would get fired from my job but it was so explicit that I got banned on youtube and cancelled on twitter.

arctic-hands:

talkethtothehandeth:

If you have celiac and buy the brand Van’s for their waffles, please know that 9 days ago there was a recall because some of the packages of the gluten free waffles may contain “undeclared” wheat. And if you have celiac, you know “may” might as well mean “does”.

This recall only applies to boxes with the matching lot codes and numbers, and do not pertain to other products that Van’s has to offer. These boxes were distributed in AZ, CA, FL, GA, IL, NC, & WA. Please check your boxes immediately to ensure your own safety and save yourself the painful reactions to gluten. It’s advised the purchased packages be either thrown out (or given to someone who can eat wheat so as not to waste it) or return the product to where you’ve purchased it from.

“The U.S. Food & Drug Administration website published the recall July 3. It applies to certain packs of Van’s Gluten Free Original Waffles with lot code UW40193L, expiration date Jan. 19, 2024, and UPC 0 89947 30206 4. According to the Van’s recall, some of the packs of waffles may contain undeclared wheat.”

[Image Description: a box of Van’s gluten free original frozen waffles. Ends I.D.]

identitty-dickruption:

sorry, any disability movement that tries to have me say that I DON’T have deficits or that I’m NOT defective will always end badly. endlessly trying to reframe disabled traits as superpowers will only ever exclude the most vulnerable. it will only ever shove aside other disabled people in an attempt to normalise the limited symptoms that CAN be reframed as “benefits”. and that’s not a movement I can prescribe to

nayters:

pocketmonkeys:

kirbyofthestars:

pocketmonkeys:

kirbyofthestars:

my tummy hurts but at least i have a medical professional (baby cat) accompanying me

hi baby cat here. we hvae to cut you in to ten million pieces with my claws forever

are yhou sure about this doctor

pawsitive

twinkskeletons:

this is so funny. as if pete hasn’t spent the last 2 decades sexualising his bandmates 2 anyone that would listen